7.4.2007 - Still Alive

Hi kids, miss me? After much prodding, I'm leaving a quick update to show that I'm still alive. Which I am. I think. But I'll bet none of you all check this anymore, since I only update semi-annually, ha ha.

Hmm.... news....

bullet time

• working at a private high school in Matsuyama
• working as a freelance translator
• got a Wii. Whee!
• scored a hottie island girlfriend

Oh, and happy 4th Americans!

11.22.2006 - Embarrassing secret of the day

I like Aiko's music.

Aiko is a Japanese pop singer. According to wikipedia, "She is known for her cheerful disposition. Her music primarily consists of love songs and is particularly popular among young girls all over East Asia." Well, at least I can bond with my students better.

Even if the rest of society shuns me.

In other news, Utada Hikaru's new song is utter crap. In fact, it's so bad that I think she's trying to send us a message: namely, that she can sell anything that's got her name attached to it.

If you would like to join me in emasculatory goodness, check out "雲は白りんごは赤" or "ボーイフレンド" by aiko.

11.20.2006 - Still Alive

Sup kids. Just realized that once the updates have fallen off past the "once every half-year" mark, so I should probably write something.

Still alive and kicking it in Matsuyama. Since I finished JET I'm now working as a private ALT for the Matusyama Board of Education through an Osaka dispatch company. What does this mean? JET work, slightly less pay. Nothing like having more experience and less pay.

I'm also back in the junior high school world, with all the resplendent joys of teaching peppy, beginner level children.

Other than that, I don't think I've done anything extremely life-altering. Or maybe I have and I've forgotten. Cause you know, living in foreign countries is a whirlwind of daily mind-numbing excitement. I've recently discovered the joy that is Skype, so give me a call or something if you feel the urgent need to grill me.

4.7.2006 - Mt. Tsurugi: PwN3D

Last episode, on Tom:

Tom went to Iya Valley with these guys:

Then took a picture of a peeing boy, and crossed a extremely dangerous (steel-reinforced) vine bridge, and climbed Mt. Tsurugi.

Tom went to Tokyo and Yokohama for a returner's conference, and hung out with some cool people,

and had a long lost reunion.

Kotoe moved to Matsuyama to pursue her modeling career, and Hong got really drunk.

Tom went and chilled with his boy Tokugawa up in Nikko,

and then kancho'ed a monkey.

Steve turned 25,

and Vania turned 24.

Wes hooked up with Kotoe, and then with Nagi (while dislocating his jaw).

Tom went skiing,

and looked really cool with his new shades, until he lost them two hours later.

Nagi got some cats (not all of them!)

Tom visited his cousin's business,

met some relatives for the first time,

saw a cool waterfall,

and then took a sweet photo of Fuji.

I also officialized my uberness by passing my level 1 in the JLPT (Japanese Language Proficiency Exam). You may now kiss my ring.

Today's song that rocks: Five for Fighting - 100 years

11.24.2005 - Tastes like...

Good week. The concert last week rocked, excepting the 6 times the show was stopped for people crowding the stage. The girls in front were getting their feet stepped on and complaining, while the J-hos in back were pushing everyone so that they could get up to the front, and presumably begin complaining about all those other inconsiderate people stepping on their feet.

This week's moment of shame occured when my Dad called today, making me realize that I hadn't heard from him in at least a few months, primarily because I changed my phone number and apparently didn't tell everyone. Best. Son. Ever. I could try to defend myself by saying that I have this webpage and a couple email addresses, but I really should have called. Doh.

Today's song that rocks: Crystal Kay x CHEMISTRY - Two as One

11.15.2005 - Astromantic baby

I am so poor. The recent incredibly poorly timed jump in the value of the yen over the last few months has reduced the amount of money I'm sending home by 12%. As I rode to school today thinking about how I'm too cheap to buy a glove so that I can end my current Micheal Jackson look, I realized how I could save money by biking to my schools as much as possible. So for the near future, the sweetest thing I've got going on is this concert.

Oh yes. 3500 yen, and I'm in with a drink. These guys are one of my favorite groups in Japan. They're current album is #5 on the charts in Japan. I still don't know how they're going to fit 500 people into the small club in the city that they're playing at.

Today's song that rocks: m-flo loves YOSHIKA - let go

11.05.2005 - We have a "heart" in our webpage

Oooooh yes. I've been putting off updating cause it always takes me too much stupid time to get images ready for an update. So by the time I do I've actually thought of several little mini-updates that never get around to actually being written. So I finally got my photos up from my trip to Chicago for you all to enjoy.

There have been mad weddings going down lately. First one was actually a couple of months ago, Tayo got married to Friederich. My first Japanese wedding reception, good stuff.

Then off to America. Before which I got a couple of good Engrish shots.

It's about damn time someone started supporting my sock lifestyle. And I've been looking for a good old-fashioned store with a heart in it for quite some time now.

Also for a nice change of place, I found this gem on the plane. We here at tomsm.com often mock poorly spelled or grammatically stunted English, like we would a small child unable to a simple task, such as reading a book. But the same can be true in reverse. Gaze upon this wonderously mauled Japanese creation:

Home was sweet. I managed to pig out on American Chinese food not once, but two magnificent times, in addition to getting my requisite fried Mexican food, and Italian goodness. The primary reason I went over though, was for my friend Matt's wedding. The bachelor party was great, we ended up getting a $1300 room at the Hard Rock hotel for the same price as the $700 one that was double-booked. About twice as large as my apartment, commanding a downtown view of Chicago from the 30-somethingth floor.

Also this wonder of modern architecture was found in the new Millenium Park downtown. The wave of the future, giant metal jelly beans invading downtown.

The wedding was great. Very poshly located in downtown Chicago, with the reception on the 67th floor of the Sears tower. Much fun and entertainment to be had by all. And it only took them five years of dating! More than a wedding it was kind of a friend reunion. Sweet stuff.

I also made a trip down to Champaign to see old co-workers. Campus looked a little newer, and my age was given away seeing as how everyone around me looked so incredibly young. And then off to Jacksonville to see my Mom in her new farm-style house. Huge with no insulation, surrounded by corn fields.

Saw a lot of other family I was in Chicago, making up for the couple of years of Thanksgiving that I missed out on. Scored on Chinese food and saw the family dog too.

I like how the dog looks happy when Nagi's with her, but looks scared by me. On the final night before I left, I got to see some old friends from college, and a couple ex-JETs now living in the Chicago area. Got some sweet teppanyaki (which is ironically never found in Japan), and a little bit of American karaoke in (Japan wins in the karaoke department). Good to know that everyone's doing well.

And that's about it. A good trip was had by all. All two of us.

Since I've got nothing better to do I've decided to put up my favorite song at time of posting for your bemusement. Yes people, you now have the power to judge my decidedly superficial taste. Or you can just get over yourself and admit that it rocks.

Today's song that rocks: SEAMO ft. BENNIE K - A love story

9.6.2005 - Happy Typhoon Day

And here I am sitting in school like a sucker. Wouldn't do to have the public servants stay at home when they could instead head through high wind and rain to get to a school with no students. I guess that's what they pay me the big bucks for. Oh well, it's not like I work that much when students *are* here.

And once again, I have the cold that won't die. I've been sick for the last 3 weeks, and whenever I start to feel a little better the cold packs up and moves to a different part of my respiratory tract. The worst part is the sense of false hope, when you start to get better and think of all the things that you've been waiting to do with your disease-free body, and then end up getting sick again just when you're about to leave the house. Every doctor I've gone to in the past also gives me the exact same medicine that does nothing, which only perpetuates the bitterness. If I'm still sick by the time I go to the States at the end of the month, things are going to get ugly.

My other rant for the day: credit card companies that jack up their interest rates for no reason. My cards that initially were around 8% and 10% are now around 23% and 18%. No late payments or any of that crap on my part. I go ahead and request the same APR (not the short-term rate) that new applicants of the card receive (9.99%), and get offered a 14% rate. Good to see that my continued patronage is valued enough to get a rate only 60% higher than that of newcomers.

I think I should start a betting pool as to when my next class will be. For reference, my last class was on July 15th, and the current semester's classes started last week. 100 yen for each day you want covered, winner takes the pot. I'm going to go on a limb and say Sept 15th or Sept 20th. Your bets don't count unless they're in the comment box.

Here's an old photo to lighten up some of the bitterness:

8.30.2005 - The Return of the King

Oh yeah, I'm back. Of course, I didn't really go anywhere, but despite having incredible amounts of free time laziness is my main reason for lack of posting. That and my old camera broke a few months ago, leaving me with no juicy tawdry pictures of Ehimean life to entice you all with. Now my old digital camera (henceforth old and busted) has been replaced with new hotness :

Now I have a camera that can print images to some insane size like 12" x 18", in case I ever want to spend $20 for a photo of my nose or something. I also got a 1 GB memory card for it so I can take like, 600 pictures of my nose.

So what've I been up to... I'm now a third year JET, a whole crap load of the people that I first knew when I came here have all gone home, leaving me in the position of UBERSEMPAI, which my rather rotund figure fills out nicely. Just kidding, I'm not fat, but I'm still UBERSEMPAI. Ha.

I also went to a couple of English camps to this summer, as usual, and had a good time. This time I cemented my UBERSEMPAIness by being voted the coolest ALT, triumphing over my fellow not-as-cool male compatriots (all two of them). It must be either my effervescent personality or my manly beard, which most Japanese women like, but most men and foreign women tend to see as either:

a) Gay.
b) Amish.
c) both a) and b)

In any case, I think it may be a secret plot by the girlfriend to ensure that when I return from the States I will never be able to cheat on her, at least nowhere outside of Western Pennsylvania, and then only with a few select men.

In most recent news, Nagi and I went up to Kansai this last weekend to celebrate the one year anniversary, which we did in style with Brian, James, his girlfriend Natsuko, and Nagi's friend Miyuki. Saturday was shopping in Osaka, where I found the only pink shirt I may ever wear. The shirt says "kill". Never got around to buying it though.

I also found a gem in the second floor of the KFC near our hotel:

Let's take a closer look shall we?

Oh hell yeah, CleanPoo Mini. I can only imagine the possibilities of what the CleanPoo Maxi may be able to do. I think the only photo I have that may beat that is of Homo Sausage^® brand wieners. The best part was when all of the customers started wondering why I was taking such an intense interest in the air conditioner.

In the evening there was much Mexican food and rejoicing. The all-you-can-drink club late in the evening was pretty sweet too.

On Sunday we went to Kyoto, land of billions upon billions of temples. And tourists. I knew we were going to have a good day when I saw this though:

That's right, Moped Monk. For a limited time only with matching blessed helmet. Passing by Moped Monk and up the mountain we walk to Kiyomizudera, where I drank magical fountain water of health +3. The next day I proceed to get a lovely cold. All in all, a good weekend.

4.20.2005 - 花見 time

Cherry blossom time has once again come and gone. Every year people gather under the trees to watch the cherry blossoms bloom and quickly fall, symbolizing the ephemeral cycle of life and death. They also use it as an opportunity to get sloshed and eat incredibly large amounts of food. This year was no exception.

A grand total of three that I went to this year, leaving the coffers drained and the belly slightly distended. One at Matsuyama castle, one at Baishinji park, and one off of the Ishite river.

In unrelated news, only one person gave me their contact info without me having to track them down and ask. She gets free chuuhai the next time she comes by. The rest of you get sink water.

4.4.2005 - だれもに明かしたら、破滅を招くよ。

Man, today is really sucking for some reason. My mood's so black I think anyone who steps within a few feet of me will get pulled into a dark spiral of death with me. Probably would have helped if I was able to get more than 3 hours of sleep yesterday. Nothing like lying down without sleeping for 5 hours to energize me for the morning.

On the positive side, I just got internet at home so I'm connected for the first time in 8 months. I also had some Pizza Hut yesterday. On the negative side, my hard drive failed utterly a couple of weeks ago. Lost about 3 years of photos, financial data, and my address book, in addition to a lot less important stuff. Yeah, yeah, I should have backed up. Lesson painfully learned.

So, since you all know how to contact me, and I don't know how to contact any of you, I need mail people. If you ever want to hear from me again, send me your email, phone numbers, addresses, whatever you don't mind me knowing. Seriously, take a minute and do it. tom at tomsm dot com.

2.7.2005 - 渡る世間はトムばかり

Japanese TV. What is up with you. Don't get me wrong, you've got a lot of cool things going for you. You've got the real world-esque dating shows, the ghost story shows, the semi-sadistic love triangle trap shows, shows with that cute girl with the big ears, the medical horror shows, and the occasional uncensored 10 year old American movie. I don't mind the quiz shows that I don't understand, because of your propensity for putting ex-models in the teams. And your commercials kick some major ass. I can even tolerate the incredibly insipid voices you use to dub over native languages (all three of them: the high-pitched overly-feminine woman, the manly man, and the child who needs to be beaten severely).

But dude, what is up with the farting shows?? I mean, I know, bodily functions are funny, especially the ones that are embarrassing and smell bad. You let one go, you get a prize, and everyone laughs. But there's a limit. Maybe once a year or something. I don't want to have to turn on my tv and see another variant of "farting for sushi" again next week. I'm not kidding.

ps - While you're at it, get rid of the fat guy who eats live octopus. No one wants to see that. And Inoue Waka. That ho's got to go. I'll take my 25% APR re-financing loans from the less-plasticy ACOM girl, thank you very much.

2.1.2005 - 騒ごう、騒ごう

Bow to the Bic^© Hegemony

So here are the latest search strings have entered to find my site.

Top recent search strings:
• "Tom crappy Ehime"
• "Yawatahama love hotels"
• "hot girls island school"

That's just quality stuff people. I feel sorry for the person who found my site and was expecting to see a page for an island school for hot girls. Though I hope said person will inform me of the place should s/he ever find it.

Click image for full resolution

In not so recent news, about a month and a half ago Nagi and I were having some yakiniku dinner with a friend, when we ran into a reporter who wanted to interview us for an article on international couples. Being slightly inebriated and thinking that this would involve a large number of other couples, I agreed. A few days later we go for our "short" interview that lasts about an hour and a half, conducted in of course, Japanese. However, it still wasn't that bad, and I was told that we'd be in the paper January 4th.

So, we get back from our vacation and I find that it's not the small blurb that I thought it would be, and that it wasn't in the local paper, but rather the prefectural one. Ha ha. Since some of my students have now read it (it's posted up in some classrooms), maybe they won't keep mistaking other people for my girlfriend anymore. Or maybe they'll just think that I'm cheating on her.

The best part though? The golden part, is that someone saw Nagi in the paper and showed it to her parents, who I have not met yet. The article discusses how I hit on her in a bar, and that she turned me down because she thought that it would be a one night affair. That and the dumbass photo have probably created a lovely first impression. They also managed to screw up my name, despite my writing it down for them.

Behold in all its horrendous glory:

1.19.2005 - Coming at you live in 2005, hoes.

Man, that was sweet. I was so close to being late to the morning meeting at school that I didn't put in my contacts before I got to school. And since I don't like wearing my glasses I went into the meeting blind. And when I say blind I pretty much mean legally blind, since I can't see anything more than 4 inches in front of my face clearly. And then, teachers starting reviewing lesson plans with me. Didn't even know who they were at first. Excellent. Go go vanity screwing me over.

I'd also like to give a special shout out to my boyz at Visa for hooking me up with a special 18.99% APR (up from 8.9%) right after I put a couple thousand dollars worth of expenses on it. And then the supa-sweet bonus bump up to 22.69% this month, just in time for that Hawaii trip! Paying all those bills on time has really come through for me. Props for making it impossible to contact you through email too, leaving me with the options of making either expensive ass international phone calls or one month turnaround snail mails. You guys rock.

So, first things first. Saw my Aunty Liz for the first time in at least 3 years when she dropped by to see her son. Props if you can tell where we were from the picture. By the way, where are the relatives coming to see me huh?

This winter vacation has been the first time I've left the country since I came here in 2003. It was going to be a joint Hawaii/Chicago trip, but I booked so late that it would have cost me $700 to go to Chicago for about 3 days. Even without going I will still be in indentured servitude to Mastercard for a couple more months at best.

So I went with my girlfriend Nagi. We've been going out for about 5 months. This was her first time to the States, and she got to practice a little of her English on the locals while we were out and about. I will also probably be beaten severely for putting these pictures on the internet.

While I was here I got to see my sisters Michelle and Melanie, and my brother Eric for the first time in a loooooong time. I got lucky that all three were around, Michelle has been in LA the last few years at school. Of course I got to see my Dad too. Students never believe I'm really my father's son. Doesn't help the family is all Asian. Interesting family, since aside from Michelle and Melanie, none of us have the same parents. Makes self-introductions at school complicated.

Michelle (and I)	Melanie	Eric

So the first few days I spent most of my time at home playing some GTA: San Andreas, where jacked many a car and capped many a rival gangbanger. Got a Ipod and a PSP for Christmas (score!). After Christmas Nagi came we did the more exciting touristy, get-out-of-the-house things. Hit up Waikiki and found this sweet license plate.

Then Waimea for some incredible winter surf, and Chinaman's hat.

That's the view from a little bit up the road from my Dad's place. Pretty fricking sweet. New Year's was spent with Trisha from Imabari and her friend John in a club. Here I thought I could get away from JET when I went home. No dice. After New Year's we spend a few days up on Kauai at the incredibly sweet Hyatt Regency. This is the view from the room.

The waves were crazy up on the north shore, just like Oahu. Not like, ooh, big waves, more like "holy f*ck, if I fell in the water I'd pummeled into a bloody pulp in about 3 seconds. These photos are not even extreme examples.

Down on the east coast we stopped off at one of the valley outlooks.

Followed by Waimea valley the next day. It doesn't get much better than that. The view from the end is supposed to be sweet, but we ended up driving into a cloud and seeing jack.

After that a quick flight to Oahu and a day at Hanauma Bay. The Bay has kind of gone to crap recently. Parking fees and limited space make it a bitch to get in. Plus, there's now an admission fee, and a mandatory orientation video. It ended up taking 2 hours to get in. The only thing that was actually improved was the visual aesthetic of the area where you're forced to suck it up and wait for the mandatory video.

And that's pretty much it. Took the necessary picture of Mt. Fuji as I flew home from Tokyo. Good to see LA's not the only place with smog.

Damn, that took all day. Leave me (a)

11.24.2004 - You, me, and him, 三角関係.

The JET program gives all of us JETs a variety of different publications every year. I, for one, am always touched with the enlightening JET journal stories of how bonsai has changed someone's life, and the lovely pictures of screaming children and old men planting rice have created a lovely mental tapestry of the Japanese countryside that I will cherish in my soul forever. I have already been brainwashed so that when I return to my home country I will regale my fellow citizens with tales of the wondrous things that can be found in Japan, and convince them to buy Japanese products for the rest of their lives.

But where are the articles that have any kind of meaningful relationship with the lives of actual JETs? Articles like, "How I paid off massive housing debts and learned to live with terrifyingly huge poisonous centipedes", "J-Girls: Dos and Don'ts", and "Convenience stores: your 3 AM late night friend". And the photos? I can think of several: "ALT getting anally violated by elementary schoolchildren", "Japanese teacher walking out of restroom without washing his hands (again)", "International exchange: Drunk Japanese girl getting hit on by drunk JET".

Now wouldn't that be much more realistic?

11.12.2004 - Yeah, I'm lazy.

I could try to make an excuse and say that I don't have internet at home yet, and the school network has been down because of a virus, but you all know the truth. I will try harder to keep everyone better updated on meaningless blurbs of my life. So I'm trying to figure out what I've been up to the last couple months in order to write this post, but looking through my old pictures I only seem to be seeing pictures of a dog trying to have sex with an arm, and drunk ALTs. I seem to remember doing a little more than that though. Let's see, there was ass sumo.

Me cheating:	Not cheating:

First off let me make my obligatory statement shared by about 90% of American ex-pats. Thank you, 51% of America, for royally screwing over the other 49%. Maybe it's just a giant conspiracy to make me want to stay out of the country for another 4 years, of course I'll probably have to come back for training when I get drafted to fight in another international incursion. It would be nice if our idea of international relations wasn't nations f*cking each other over. Hmm, that sounded a little too bitter. It's not like I really know what I'm talking about or anything, if I were rich or raised in Mississippi I might think differently.

I finally managed to pay off the remainder of my massive $2500 key money/bribe for my apartment. Nothing like blowing three months of savings just to move into an apartment. I found out recently that a lot of this in-your-face rip-off stuff dates back to WWII, where housing was scarce and these bribes were needed to ensure that you could find a place. Just like how the national phone company NTT charges approximately $700 for anyone setting up a phone line, because 60 years ago they had to re-build the infrastructure. Of course they won't admit that it's not necessary now, since they'd be liable for trillions of yen in reimbursements. Anyhoo... I've finally been able to start saving some money here, which I'll probably use to plan my trip for the winter break. Options now include Hawaii and possibly Chicago to boot. Anyone going to be around? It would be weird running into JETs I know here back in the States.

Not really any weirder than what happened to me in Osaka. A few of us went up to participate in the Terry Fox run, and the night after the race, I randomly spot my Japanese teacher from 7 years ago with one of my classmates from the same class! None of us even freaking live in Osaka!! That's some mad crazy randomness, kids.

So before that random encounter we did our charity run in Kobe:

My healthy exercise was rewarded with a free coupon for a McDonald's cheeseburger and fries. That's like rewarding a recovery from lung cancer with a pack of Marlboros. Quality.

On our way to the race we also saw a guy swimming in a 2 foot deep fountain dressed in running clothes. Didn't catch a photo of that though.

After that, a little arcading, a little UFO catching (the crane toy-grabbing machine thing), a little karaoke, and a little drinking completed the day. Cousin Mark came down to join the festivities, as did fellow U of I grad Brian. I totally won a miniature version of that bear from a UFO catcher. I still remain a humble disciple of Vania (upper right) and Hong (upper left), the reigning queens of UFO catching.

And now on an unrelated topic, college friends Matt and Kristine recently got engaged! Here I remember when those two started dating. They've now been dating so long that we all kind of assumed that they had already gotten married at some point and just forgot to tell us. So soon I will be the old unmarried fogey at the age of 25 who will be at their wedding relating tales of my youth to people who don't want to listen. Then again, I kind of do that to people here already.

Matt:	Kristine:

This movie (~9.5MB) pretty much shows how their relationship overcomes adversity. It also involves the beating down of chumps. For additional background information on the chump, please view this. (~2MB)

9.14.2004 - I get around like sushi on a kaiten

For as much as I complain about being bored at school and not having any classes or anything to keep me entertained, I'm the king of wasting time. Practice makes perfect right, and I've only had approx. 12 weeks of office time out of the last year where I've had no classes. If I actually applied myself I could probably get a double master's before my JET contract ends. As it is, I'm so lazy that I actually write about twice as many posts than are actually on this site, but I get bored and then forget about them until they get so out of date with recent events that I kill them off. Even my idle time exploits are undermined by my own laziness. I blame my latest addiction, craigslist for this.

So last Thursday was my base school's sports day festival. These kids kick way more ass than me in just about every single sport imaginable. I guess 6 years of 2 hour/day practice will do that to you. I think I would have been best qualified for the job of shooting the starting gun, considering that I'm an American born in LA, but I was instead relegated to the caterpillar run. I should have capped the bastards in charge of the race, but instead I led my squad of 16 year old girls to a rousing caterpillar victory. I was unfortunately too busy devastating the competition to take pictures, so you'll have to settle for these instead.

I spent my one year anniversary in this country on Saturday with a bunch of other JETs at the Old meets New party in Niihama. It was pretty entertaining, and the excessive remainders of alcohol left at the going away party a few months ago were put to good use. Phosphorescent algae, jellyfish, and skinny dipping followed pretty closely after the onset of alcohol. Not by me, though I'm too modest. (READ: wussy) Mad props our local Nakajima JET who, upon waking up immediately cracked open a beer. A crisp morning salute to your liver. See if you can find said JET in the picture.

The best part of the morning may have been when we started launching people off of tarps, with the idea being to keep them in the air, trampoline-like. It instead amusingly was more like "launch them a few feet in the air and let slam back into the ground".

• "Whee!!"
• <thud>
• "Whee!"
• <thud> Ow..

And of course, there was the fire poi, which my camera somehow made out to look incredibly ninja. Spinning, flamey things of death. Phwoar.

Why do these organized JET events always branch off to the circus arts? I've got no idea, but maybe next time I'll show my hotness off with my extreme juggling prowess. Gets the ladies¹ everytime.

¹gets them amazingly unimpressed. everytime.

8.23.2004 - ええねん

Yeah yeah, one month without posting. To my three readers I apologize. Although, I heard from a few different new ALTs who I didn't even know before last month that my site was being read. That's kind of freaky. Now I imagine there a bunch of random people out there wondering what kind of loser would actually focus part of his posts on hot women he hasn't met. And as we all know, it's a small step from having a small interest in a website to having a raging hard-on stalker-like obsession for the webmaster. That's it, I'm buying a shotgun. Next person who comes into my apartment without knowing the password is going to leave with multiple entry wounds. That's kind of funny, cause there are three people staying at my place for the next week who don't know this "password" I haven't made up yet.

So yeah, I've been in my new town for about three weeks so far. Met about 60 new JETs, out of whom I remember about 5. The rest will simply be known as "whitey" until I get a brain that can hold more than 5 names at a time. Unless they're not white. Then I'll call them by the first physical feature that readily reminds me of them.

My inability to remember anything also makes for great conversations:

• Another JET: Yeah, so <random JET> totally flipped out and started beating people with the mic after you left karaoke last night. Took 4 cops and an elephant tranquilizer to take her down.
• Me: Who's <random JET>?
• JET: The Canadian girl who's in <some town that's not Matsuyama>.
• Me: Where's that?
• JET: It's <detailed explanation that I forget about 2 seconds later>.
• Me: Oh.

And this happens about 12 times a day. At least the me-forgetting-stuff part does.

In other news, I'm all moved into my new place, and living downtown in a big city is pretty damn sweet. I'm also only about 5 minutes on foot from my two main schools in town. I've got to get used to seeing whitey though. When I saw someone foreign I didn't know in my old town I'd nearly crap myself, but if I did that here I'd have run out of underwear about half way through day 2.

So I would be my usual lame self and post pics of all these new JETs and events that we've done, but I surprisingly haven't taken any pictures of any of them. Nowadays I'm surrounded by Americans. Last year I swear there was only one other American in my whole frickin county and now there are at least 10 in my town. Meanwhile, my old town has been overrun by Scots now that I'm gone. I pray for those poor children's English accents.

So I didn't take any pictures of anything during the last 14 days in my town of Matsuyama, but I did take a crapload of the 4-day English camp that I was at this Th-Su. English camp always brings the image of band camp from American Pie to my mind, Or of a retarded kid clapping or something, but they always are a lot of fun. Now I'm going to post pics of kids who don't read this site and could only possibly be of interest to the other 4 JETs who attended the camp. Witness my power.

Despite working 14 hour work days, incredibly crappy food, and prison-like accomodations, I liked the camp a lot. I'd go to one this week too if I didn't have opening ceremonies for second semester going on.

So if there actually are all these random readers out there you could at least assuage my ego and leave a message. But of course you won't. Stalking wankers.

7.23.2004 - Office days are the suck

Man, I live one sad life. I've got nothing to do but sit on my ass here, so I guess you all are in for another lovely post.

I saw Idle Hands for the first time a couple days ago, and this has renewed my faith in the fact that Jessica Alba is, in fact, incredibly hot. Hot enough that I deemed her worthy of some space within my lovely crapperific website. Maybe I should start a whole section of this site and devote it to her. I'm sure she'd love it. Who doesn't love freaky internet stalkers. I wonder what's running through the minds of the people who make those sites, "Ooh, maybe she'll appreciate my purely superficial physical obsession with her and reciprocate by coming over and rocking my world". Not to say that there's anything wrong with purely superficial physical obsessions. Hell, I have a different one everyday. Back to my point, Jessica Alba should move with me to Matsuyama, where we can live a life of sin in the sweet ass apartment I just decided on yesterday.

This apartment is about a 10 min walk from my school. I'd put up a map to show you all, but I need to worry about my own freaky internet stalkers, so you'll just have to take my word for it, it's sweet. Of course, the whole thing has taken whatever chance I had of making it through my first year of a real job (ha ha) and making a profit and given it a flying drop kick off a 15 story building. Looking over my net worth for the past year, I've magically gone from (-$crapload) to (-$crapload -$4000). This is with a higher income than in America, and with no income tax. Weak sauce G, weak sauce.

One of my possible choices for places to live was insane. I got an offer to rent the official residence of the principal of Matsuyama North high school. That's right, a 4 room, two-story house with a veranda the size of my current apartment and a backyard the size of, uh, something big. Now before you all come out of the woodwork at me like a 30 midget free-for-all, I'd just like to say that this place is the official residence of the SCHOOL HEADMASTER. It's about 15 feet from the high school, and 5 feet from the teacher housing. Throwing parties would probably piss off the greater northern Matsuyama area. And it's hard to get vomit out of tatami. Not to mention that the place is huge, I'd feel like I was in the The Shining everytime I stayed at home for more than five minutes.

So yeah, I have been confirmed for my school next year, I'll probably be moving around the 2nd of August, and starting work on the 4th. By starting work I mean sitting in a new office for eight hours a day, making new meaningless posts about hot girls I've never met. Or posting pictures of people you don't know. Hopefully I'll have internet though, so I can waste my time more efficiently. Maybe I'll even put up the photos section on this website. While I'm at it I could finish my treatise on how to end apartheid. Or maybe I'll beat that minesweeper high score of 109 seconds. There's a whole world of possibilities.

7.22.2004

I know no one really cares about these kinds of posts, but here I am, writing to bore you all to tears. I'm in my last days here in Yawatahama, and it's been nothing but goodbye after goodbye at all the schools. I can't believe all the cool things that have been given to me by my students and teachers. Even though I hate the idea of leaving, everyone has shown me a good time during my last month here. Good thing I'll still be able to visit, and that I'm not going back to America yet.

Look at some of what the students and teachers gave me (note the stylin' vases):

My students at Yashiro JHS made me a set of juggling balls, along with a stuffed animal and a really cool name placard! If I had the skill to make those when I was in 9th grade I'd have been a lot cooler.

The principal at Matsukaya JHS gave me a fan that he crafted with his own hands. The students made me a notebook, and in it each of them wrote me a little letter and put their photo in!

The amazing skilled English (formerly Art) teacher at Oshima gave me a Buddha carved from a single block of wood. Thank you!

In addition to raking in on the sentimental gifts, farewell parties abounded this last weekend. On my final day of school last Friday I met with my Ozu city English teachers for one final party.

Sunday was the farewell party for all the JETs in our area. I did a little pet-sitting for a fellow JET's kitten while she was in for the party. He managed to leave me at least four little yellow liquid poo reminders around my apartment before he left. Considering that he has the weight of a cheese puff he sure did manage to squeeze a lot out.

I got a bunch of good shots from the evening. Clare seems to enjoy the taste of my flesh.

Emma is about to whoop some jedi ass, and the Brits are getting in another fight.

And after all that fun, here I am back in the office. Now that I think about it, there was a party yesterday too. I've think you've seen enough pictures of me at random karaoke places though. Well, maybe not. I'm bored.

I'm frickin tired too. I was going to say that at least it's Friday, but I just realized it's Thursday. Frick.

7.5.2004

I love these busy weekends, even if I never end up getting enough sleep. It's even better when they don't end up costing me massive amounts of money.

Yawatahama farewell party

On Friday night Dave and I had our farewell party with all of the English teachers in Yawatahama. I like how I manage to look like a playa (a rather sharp contrast with reality). Turned out to be a pretty fun evening.

Summer English Camp - Part 1

I managed to wake slightly groggy just in time to catch my ride with Fred up to Ozu for the Hijikawa summer English camp. The coordinators didn't tell me about it, and I had to go and ask if I could join, all a little odd considering that I'm the *only* ALT that goes to those kids' school. Maybe that's a subtle hint from them, fortunately I happen to be too thick-headed to get it.

Futami beach party

We left English camp early in the afternoon to go to the JET going away party for all of the leaving JETs in the prefecture. Gorgeous scenery, with an ample supply of intoxicating beverages. The alcohol pictured below accounts for about 1/4th of the total. Never say that the current AJET can't plan ahead.

Most of the people are the AJET people who did a crapload of work getting the place ready for the beach invasion. They've certainly got a better work ethic than I. I also happened to be the first to get dunked in the water. At least I didn't go in alone. I also am apparently pretty good at throwing girls into

Deliberately faked genkiness and a gratuitous pic of Sarah getting threatened with a chopstick. Don't worry, if you ever meet her you'll find that you'll want to stab her in the head with a chopstick relatively quickly too. Now I'll probably find "stab her in the head with a chopstick" as one of my main google search referrals. You sickos.

Summer English Camp - Part 2

After a full night of standard JET antics, Fred and I took off on a few hours of sleep back to the English camp. Yay, these kids rock. We all went kayaking on the Hiji river in Ozu for a few hours to start things off. I managed to not tip myself over, or kill any kids. I did throw about half of them in the river though. Twas a good day.

Look at the impressionable youth of Japan.

And finally, a couple of photos to wrap up.

7.2.2004

So I'm looking through my site statistics, and I found that the search strings that people used in search engines to find tomsm.com. They consisted of such classics (ranked in descending order):

• "sado" - Now in Japanese this can refer to the art of tea ceremony, but I'm more inclined to think that people are looking for something more deviant than that.
• "freakmarket"
• "experience in a capsule hotel"

Good stuff. You'd think a search for Tom Schmidt-Makino would come up with this page as the first result, seeing as I am quite possibly the only Tom Schmidt-Makino in the world. But no, my considerably more internet astute friends have referenced me on their much more trafficked websites, and I'm relegated to a mere 4th place. Thanks a lot Matt, and Hoyoul (with your 5 year old anime website, wtf ;) ).

Lately it feels like with every new word I learn in Japanese, I forget something in English. It's all the worse because I can feel myself get dumber. I will sit and try to think of the word that correctly describes something, and thoroughly waste 5 minutes. I assume that this is something like senility, but hopefully I won't be cognizant of my declining abilities when I'm 90.

I realized one more thing that I'll miss when I move: relaxing on an air-conditioned train as it whisks me off to school. Whatever schools I'm at in Matsuyama will probabaly be close enough for a sweat-inducing bike ride. Plus I'd have a hard time writing crap on my computer while I'm riding a bike. Although my declining mental skills might make me forget that fact. This week I think I've already lost enough money doing stupid crap. I managed to step on my ultra-cool electronic dictionary, turning it ultra-crappy in about a fifth of a second. I guess there actually is a good reason to keep my room clean. A nice $200 lesson on cleanliness. Of course I haven't actually cleaned my room or anything since the incident, I've just taken to the habit of putting expensive electronics on top of things that I don't walk on. Sorry Mom.

Yesterday was my final visit to my little island school, Ooshima. In honor of the event, they gathered all the students (all 9 of them) in both the elementary and the junior high schools for class. We started with a game of soccer with Mikan, the school dog. I think she won.

This was followed by a soft drink party in the air-conditioned computer room. I couldn't have asked for a better day. Therefore I dedicate this post to the kids at Ooshima, good luck to each and every one of you!

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